THE VAIN SOLE

It All Started When...

21:19

I never knew how it felt to be abandoned

I didn't know the capacity to which it could devour my being

You see, it all started when I met him

He had eyes that could burn holes into ones membrane

I didn't know how valuable he would be to my existence

It would be during our journey into each other's souls, that I'd find out the importance of him being in my life.

He was something like a thief in the night except that he wasn't the confident thief he was more of the novice who was on his first night on the job.

We caught each other by surprise

Instead of turning him in, we became cohorts

Instead of him becoming a prisoner of the law, He became a prisoner of my soul

I enlightened him and showed him how to live in an honest world

Although the world we live in isn't honest, the one he and I created was nothing but honest.

He opened up my eyes to an ambience I never cared for.

For hours on end we'd converse about our deepest fears and truths we wished we could ignore.

He was the reason for my existence, so I thought.

The confidence I had in him was unimaginable.

I'm rarely one to believe in happily ever afters but with him at my side, I believed an eternity of happily ever afters existed.

Why I feel abandoned is not because we're no longer in sync.

But because my mind no longer receives the cerebral "fixes" it needs to remain in a state of eternal ecstasy.

You see he had a way with words that not only made your soul burn with desire but it caused instant and spontaneous orgasms of the mind.

He wasn't a smooth operator, he didn't conceal his thoughts with ideological condoms.

He gave it to me raw and my soul went into a state of euphoria every single time he did.

To be abandoned has nothing to do with the physical sense but everything to do with the subconscious.

For a mind who was once satisfied to the point where it could no longer tell whether I was the owner or he was the owner of my mind to have to go to a state of complete silence, is what you call abandonment.

For a mind that was fucked every second to be forced into celibacy, is what you call abandonment.

I never knew how it felt to be abandoned.

It all started when I met him........

untitled.

21:25

A Quest Called Life

13:11

Oguguam’s Definition of Life: A voyage intended for people to fulfill their destinies but due to societal ills is a low key battle zone between us and other beings.

Whoever said life was a roller coaster couldn’t have said it any better. Life has its’ glory moments and it definitely has its’ shitty moments. Unfortunately a lot of people experience the shitty moments of life more than the good moments. Life is dynamic- forever and constantly changing. You can never grasp life because right when you think you have life all figured out, life laughs a hearty laugh and changes up on you once again leaving you back at square one.

Recently I discovered that I’m not quite sure what I want to do with my life and I thought it was a taboo because I’m such a control freak when it comes to my future. You see before July if you asked me what I had in mind for myself concerning my future I’d reply you with such a beautiful plan. Come to find out, life changed up on me when I thought I understood the direction in which my life was going. I had to learn immediately that no one knows what’s in store for the next 24 hours, yet alone what’s in store for the next year and so on. All you can do is just work towards your future and hope for the best but also prepare for the worst.

Life is actually meant to be taken a day at a time,but due to the hustle and bustle of this modern day generation we want to handle everything in one entire day. I often wonder how God looks down at us as we live in this self-inflicted frenzy called life. Does He find our habit to rush life funny, insulting or does He continue to whisper “patience my children”? I think this Modern day is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in the sense that things are easier these days with technology and all and a curse in the sense that life has been made into an everlasting game of who’s better than who or a task due to the demands of living a decent life in this modern age.

I honestly wish I was born in the early 80’s just so I could enjoy the 90’s because I feel like that was the right era to exist in. Movies meant something and things were operating at a nice pace. Music even meant something, I mean with artists such as: A Tribe Called Quest, Erykah Badu, Tupac, Common, The Pharcyde, Mos Def, etc how wouldn’t you enjoy Life? They knew a little something about life and its’ perils;they were intellectual without actually having to go to university. I think if I just got to enjoy those ten years of the 90’s era my life would be forever made.

Anyways back to my point,It’s actually impossible in this modern age to treat life with that much ease, even I can’t do that as much as I yearn to. But we can learn how to be at peace with ourselves during certain situations we face in life. It certainly helps maybe not immediately but down the line you’ll see the gain of doing such. Beating yourself up and wondering about what went wrong does nothing for you except give you the chance to either have hypertension or high blood pressure. So when life decides to change up on you don’t break down, okay maybe you can break down at least once whether it’s by crying ,yelling, or whatever releases stress but after that get yourself together and continue on your path to greatness After all Rome wasn’t built in one day they definitely had fuck ups along the way.

Blakk America: Who Will Survive?

20:40

I always knew America was somewhat corrupt but I occasionally had my doubts. It was once I got to Nigeria that I started to realize truly how corrupt the American government is. When Obama was elected the first time everyone was filled with hope and joy, rappers who knew shit about politics started hyping the president because he was black. Obama may be president but he’s not ruling this nation he’s just a puppet that the American government is controlling. Anyways for the past year it seems like the new trend is to kill innocent young black boys who are just trying to be a part of the “American Dream”- the propaganda that the government seduces its citizens with. Two years ago, Trayvon martin was killed it was sad but he was the first one that was killed and a big deal was made of, this year Michael brown was also murdered and when I looked in to that I found out other young black boys were killed previously within this year for no apparent reason. Then some days back a Howard graduate was shot in the head for protesting about the death of Michael. Is this shit really happening in the land of the free? The nation thinks its police brutality which it is but that’s just a cover up to keep the citizens from blaming the government directly. America is so corrupt and it’s not the people per say but the government they are so cold and calculated with what they do. And if you put an ultraviolet ray over their hands you’d see all the atrocities they’ve committed. For example Martin Luther King: the government killed him then to make themselves feel better about what they did gave him a national holiday. People always like to say that other countries governments are corrupt which is true but at least you know what they’re doing that makes them corrupt. The American government is a mystery and that’s the worst kind of corruption to have. It’s truly sad that all these bad things happen and that there are so many questions left unanswered. The American government is a form of slavery or bribery. They bribe the citizens with wonderful essentials such as free wi-fi, free education, wonderful sceneries, good infrastructures, etc but they take your freedom in exchange and expect your loyalty in return. It’s only God that can save this nation. My heart truly goes out to those families who have been victims of the American government. I used to be a big fan of the rap group N.W.A and they were so against the police and I used to wonder why they were so hostile towards them in majority of their songs but with all the shit that’s going on in the nation at the moment I now understand what those Niggas With Attitude meant. With all that is going on in the nation it just proves that life is a game of survival and that leaves us with the million dollar question: Who Will Survive?

A L O N E

22:58

It's Never That Serious Yo

15:11

People take things too personal in life. If you don’t chat them up 24/7 you’re all of a sudden a fake person or a bad person. I don’t even talk to my best friends every day. Little things that don’t matter are always held against you. Because I don’t call you every minute to hear you say the same thing you said yesterday and the day before isn’t a crime. The saying “it’s never that serious” should be every ones quote to live by. People always say that quote to seem cool or whatever but they don’t mean it (even I’ve been guilty of this). What people should know is that we all have priorities, some priorities are fucked up and others are being fixed or re-arranged for the right reasons. Stop being petty about every little thing and focus on your dam self. To get somewhere in life you don’t have time for friends; yes you’ll have your good ol’ close friends but since they are your close friends they know you’re on a mission and most likely share similar goals. Yes, you’ll have acquaintances along the way but having friends isn’t compulsory. My mum used to tell me and she still does that her having friends didn’t get her to where she is today. Her saying that used to confuse me but I now fully understand the meaning of it. Friends don’t take you anywhere in life especially if you’re not focused. I’m social sha but I don’t have much friends just a few I’ve come to trust and I don’t feel bad about it because it actually even helps my mindset, I don’t have to deal with drama 24/7 so my mind has other things to focus on. Don’t take it personal when people stop talking to you or curtail the way they talk to you; there’s a reason for that and you don’t have to know. It can be a foolish reason or a good one either way it’s for the best. Maybe if you stop focusing on other people’s lives and actions you’ll be able to put your lives in order. All I’m saying is to stop being petty about things, it can be hard sha cause it’s so easy to be petty (I used to be the queen of petty). If you say you’re grown act like it and put all the little irrelevant things you focus on to bed. Focus on yourself and how you can become a better person instead.

Virtue Counts

03:28

So yesterday I had a very interesting day. Not going to go into all the details but there was a certain topic that was raised while my friend, my sister and I were talking; the topic was marriage. I know y’all are thinking that that’s so far away and it’s not going to happen anytime soon, which is true. What a lot of people (mainly girls cause this concerns them the most) don’t know is that unless you are marrying out of your race you need to start now to attain certain attributes that will enhance your chances at getting married to a good family cause when you marry a guy it’s not only him you marry, you marry his family. I don’t know about most cultures but I do know in the African culture values are well appreciated especially by mothers.

Yesterday we were talking about how most girls in our generation don’t think about tomorrow they just think for today and go all wild forgetting that in the future all the wild shit they’ve done can be exposed within a blink of an eye. I’m not perfect at all and I’ve made some very stupid mistakes in the past but I’ve learned from them. In fact I even realize how stupid I used to be. It’s quite funny cause at the time when I committed these mistakes I felt like a “bad bitch.” Come to realize that what mattered to me then means nothing to my current plan on success.

A lot of girls focus on stupid shit, excuse my language. They focus on stupidity. They live for the “turn ups” and for the chance to be titled a “bad bitch”. You guys might think I’m one boring ass female who doesn’t know how to have fun but that’s not true, I can have fun oo and also turn up but to an extent in which I won’t end up looking stupid after everything. Girls love talking about guys with money, how they dash them so many things, and how fabulously perfect the guy is; in fact when some girls say this I feel like asking them if the guy is a robot because no relationship whether the guy is poor, rich, or whatever he is, is perfect. Girls don’t like being realistic and they certainly don’t like being real with one another they will finish concealing all their problems and worries with the most fabulous lies you’ll be wondering “ah ah how come God didn’t butter my bread like that.”

Anyways you’re probably wondering how this has to do with marriage, I’m getting there. Due to the fact that a lot of girls these days focus on unrealistic things and think about the present, they tend to make a number of mistakes that can and will affect them in the future. When a girl is getting married or is in the process of getting married the girls’ number one enemy of progress is the mother of her future husband. Mothers know how to dig for gold literally, they will finish asking people in your village, asking people you haven’t talked to in ages, in fact they will finish asking the entire universe who you are, where you come from, and how good of a person you are. When you live a reckless life in your glory days, the shit you do will surely affect you; after all what comes up must surely come down. Once the mother of your future husband finds out who you really are it can either benefit you or ruin you because not only will she stop you from marrying her son but she will tell other mothers about you, labeling you as “ that one kind nonsense gal who wanted to snatch my son” and that will be horrible.

Another factor that can destroy a girls’ chance of finding the right guy is the fact that she’s been or was passed around the circle of guys. When guys are able to sit down and two or more of them are able to talk about their experiences with you that’s a bad thing. First of all if you meant something to a guy his friends would never make advances towards you, unless their un-loyal but true friends don’t try that shit. So for a guy and his circle of good friends ( mind you these guys could have been friends since birth) to sit down and bring up your name as a topic of discussion in a negative way means you have destroyed your chances of finding a good guy easily, because guys talk a lot of shit. Guys like good things just as much as we girls do. They will finish destroying a girl and bringing her down, but their girlfriend must be pure and flawless and all of the above. It’s quite fucked up but that’s just their nature and we girls continue to make them grow worse because of the lack of self-respect or the lack of common sense we tend to display. A guy treasures a girl more when they know that the girl is not only beautiful but has a good head on her shoulders and those are they type of girls they want to marry. They can finish washing you like a dirty pant with all their lies just so you can agree to fulfill their needs but after that is done you will be old news.

My point is that girls should try and change their priorities so their future will be brighter or else your priorities will change you and it most likely will not be in a good way. Meanwhile I’m trying to get my life started because I want to live a life that’s above par and that can’t be achieved if I don’t realize my mistakes and improve.
P.S if you want that Bella Naija Wedding of your dreams you better shape up my friends.